I was just hit by a sudden wave of…loneliness, for better use of another word. Actually, it may be the only word that fits how I feel right now.
How did it all started? Thanks to Facebook (yeah, who can forget the almighty Facebook, reigning king of social websites, the make-or-break of many a cyber-related thing), I was mindlessly going through my page when at one corner, I saw a photo of my friend with another one, a boy and a girl. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, just friends. They looked so happy…so I decided to see the whole album.
I must say that I am impressed, happy faces are all around in each photo. All the smiling, happy faces are captured in time, like faces that had just won a jackpot (mind you, just. Not like they did won a lottery itself). Everyone was close to one another, smiling to the camera, cherishing those times together. Everyone was tagged (oh, the joy of being tagged).
Then, I realized something. Not to say anything about it (which, I probably am right now, anyways), but not a single one of the photos had my face in them. Considering that some of the pictures were when I was with them on their trips, I was left speechless. It took a moment for me to register that cold, hard fact.
Was I really that flawed to not be a friend? I am friends with most of them, and some of them are even in my friends’ list (Facebook, again). Maybe it was their idea to leave me out, or maybe I did not reach their expectation as a friend, or…the ‘paranoid list’ goes on. I can’t really say for sure, but surely after watching those pictures, I was hit with nostalgia because of all the fun times. But what hit me harder was the fact that I was again lonely in picture. Perhaps my real life situation isn’t any better to justify this.
There had been times, when either me or one of my friends had to leave because of reasons neither can deny (parents, grudge, time, natural causes etc). This only made me cherish friendship even more. For others, it can just be a simple situation of “pick and toss”. But me…I realize the huge impact a friend’s action can shape another person. Promises play a heavy role in this. To cut it short, a promise is a promise, but when it is between friends, you never, ever, forget about it.
Given the chance, would I try to be a better friend to them if I could turn back time? Perhaps in my fantasies yes. For now, I’ll just cherish the memories of all the fun times I had spent with all my times, as well as look forward to all the new memories to be forged into this little space on this frail human body. And if somebody wants to be my friend forever, I will be sure to keep my end of the promise, even when the other forgets.
Oh, what a lonesome road I walk on this life.
